Flashback Friday

it's a grey friday morning

i'm leaving for a girls weekend getaway in less than 8 hours

and instead of picking away at my packing

or cleaning my disastrous kitchen 

or heading out to the grocery store to stock up for the hubby,

who, bless his soul, will be wrangling our wild children all on his own while i'm gone

i've decided to take a moment...

...to sip on my americano

...to listen to a random youtube indie-folk playlist

....to look through these pictures from exactly one year ago

because as much as i've loved the seemingly endless summer we've been enjoying

grey days and slow mornings have a nice kind of feel to them too

also, these pictures were taken
exactly where i'm heading this afternoon, 

exactly one year ago today

and i had this conversation with my girlies this morning:

Me: My babies aren't babies anymore...frown emoticon
A: You're silly mama, babies have to grow up!
Me: But my babies were supposed to stay teeny tiny forever.
A: No mama, that's not how babies work.
I: Don't worry mama, we'll always be your babies.

true story.

apparently, my babies have to grow up - it's how babies work, after all

you know, you get a lot of advice when you decide you want to have babies, 

but they never tell you about that struggle in your heart

the one where you want to watch your babies grow up into who they were intended to be,

while simultaneously keeping them as your babies forever and ever

oh wait, they do

but words can't convey what a mama's heart feels

so sometimes you just need to look through old pictures, 

and gush over your babies

then look up and watch them grow up right before your very eyes

and realize how blessed you are to have the past memories and the here-and-now moments

realizations + catching up

soooo....

it's been almost 3 months since i've updated this little blog of mine

and i can't really say it was accidental this time

although i didn't exactly plan on it being such a long break

and i don't promise it's quite over yet

you see, right around the beginning of april

i realized something

i was overbooked, overwhelmed, and overtired

all

the

time

so i thought about what i could take off my plate

like maybe just pare down to only doing things i absolutely love doing

and i realized that all of the things i'd piled into my life 

were good things

and i was quite thankful for that

but then i had another realization

sometimes you have to cut out the good things to focus on the best things

so, i went on an instagram-vacation,

a blog-vacation,

and majorly cut back on facebook

in order to focus on my real life going on around me

to sit on the floor and read book after book with my kiddos

(who seem to be growing up at mega-speed!!!)

to pick away at some personal photography projects

to travel

to sit at my kitchen table late at night,

chatting about kids and life and Jesus

to more regularly spend time with Jesus

to go to bed at a reasonable hour

to wake up with the sun, like i've always loved doing

(i know, i'm crazy)

and it was good

i plan on eventually adding some of the things i cut out back into my life

but not quite yet

i still have a few projects to wrap up

but i do miss blogging and instagramming and connecting via social media

and let's be honest, the creative outlet is a bonus

but until then, i'll try to check in now and again

hopefully more regularly than once every three months!

it may just be to throw up a bunch of pictures without many words

but hey, it's better than nothing, right? 

that being said, let's get that trend started with some pictures from my birthday

(already over two weeks ago...whoops!)

i spent the day enjoying Daniel's family in NC

taking the kids tubing in the lake for the first time

fishing off the dock

and getting some sweet cards their "Glammie" (read: grandma) helped them make for me

Glammie also took the kiddos for us so that we could enjoy a date night out

(for the second time in two weeks - that's gotta be a record since the kids were born!)

i chose the Harvest Moon Grille for my birthday dinner; 

this cute little cafe style restaurant

that serves local, seasonal food (all from within 100 miles of their doors!)

and boy was it good

(for the record, we both ordered their pulled pork sandwich, 

and they accommodated my gluten intolerance without skipping a beat

by offering to sub out my bun for an in-house-made corn tortilla.

then, when they found out it was my birthday 

they brought me the most amazing smore for dessert,

complete with freshly made ginger cookies, dark chocolate and an in-house-made marshmallow)

seriously, if you're in the area make sure you visit this place

not only was the food outstanding, the service was wonderful

and as it turned out, the restaurant is located in the cutest little town

seriously.

check. it. out.

after we got home and put the kiddies to bed, we slipped out onto the dock to snap a few photos

(since i was silly enough to leave my camera at home for our date), 

catch a couple more fish

watch a magical lightning bug show,

and call it a night

hello, 2015

happy new year, friends!

i cannot believe 2014 has come and gone

by now, i'm sure you've heard about a bajillion other people say the same thing

(it's not just me, right?)

so i'm going to join the chorus

'cause the latter half of 2014 especially has been a complete and total blur:

a search for a new home

then a move

(thank you, Jesus - always providing just the right thing at just the right time!)

***

a frenzy of s-l-o-w unpacking

mingled with a couple visits from family

(my first time ever hosting people in our home!)

***

my first opportunity to second shoot a wedding

(one of these days, i'll pull together and share some favorites of those images)

***

my sister-in-law's wedding

(hooray, we're so happy for them!)

***

travel, travel and more travel

***

six family birthdays

***

a big Christmas trip

***

my photography business picking up

***

preparations for a two special someones turning three this week

...those are just a few highlights since the crazy began in September,

so i shouldn't be surprised that the whole family is now sick

and the tantrums have kinda hit an all time high

(if you are my neighbour and are reading this, please feel bad for and forgive us...!)

yesterday was particularly rough, 

but today is a new day

and i've decided to hang on to the moments in between the not-so-pretty ones

like these, from a rare half hour or so of quietness and cuddles in our house yesterday

also, i saw this quote a while back

(i can't remember where, so if someone knows who i can give credit to, please fill me in!)

and used it to make a desktop background for my laptop

that has been a great source of encouragement

so if you're feeling a bit frazzled today, 

or if, like me, you are in a season that feels so over your head

here are my two cents for you:

1)  sift out and hang on to the good moments

2)  lean in, hang on to and trust Jesus.  

even if you can't seem to find any good moments, 

know that He loves you, 

He is in control

 and His grace is enough to get you through

cast your cares upon him; He will sustain you and give you rest

wonderful wonder all around

i have a couple blog posts in the works right now

that were supposed to be up last week,

buuuuut, they're not quite ready so for now they remain in my drafts pile

instead of leaving you empty handed though, 

i thought i'd share a quote i heard over the weekend

as soon as i heard it, i thought of this exact picture i took on our way home from camping

(more camping pics coming soon, by the way)

and this morning i put the two together and came up with this:

"be aware of wonder"

there are so many wonderful and awe-inspiring things in our every day lives

so much to be thankful for

little evidences of grace all around us

we just need to make ourselves aware of it all

i often catch myself taking  for granted my life / kids / family / all the good things that i enjoy every day

then remind myself to notice them, savor them

so today i'm encouraging you to do the same:

take a look around, 

make yourself aware of the little things that make life wonderful

(and hey, if there are big things too, all the better!)

can't think of anything?  here are some examples to get you started:

- sunshine

- loved one's smiles

- nature

- berries

- children laughing

- the salty ocean breeze

- a good friend

- love

- sacrifice

- redemption

- dark chocolate

- coffee

- big life events (weddings / births / graduations / etc)

now it's your turn

what wonderful thing(s) do you want to take the time to become more aware of (and thankful for) today?

under the weather + under the boardwalk

well, as you can guess from the title of this post

(or at least from part of it)

we've been under the weather this week,

battling a pretty nasty stomach bug

it started with Daniel on saturday

then by monday i fell victim to it

and today, the girlies seem like they're fighting something 

(hoping it's not the same thing we had, cause that was bad - we'd appreciate any prayers on that front!)

in the midst of all this sickie-chaos / whine-fest / mama-just-wants-her-coffee madness this morning, 

i looked up and thought to myself, 

"how is this week not over yet?!  i don't even think i can make it through today"

then i picked up my 50 promises stack and flipped to the next verse

as i reached out, i half heartedly thought to myself, 

"wouldn't it be ironic if the next verse was just what i needed to read?"

and of course, what do you think happened?

"do not be afraid; for i am with you.  

do not be dismayed; for i am your god.

i will strengthen you, i will help you, i will uphold you 

with the right hand of my righteousness."

my Jesus never fails

i'm so grateful for His help, the reminder of which i needed so badly this morning

and let's be honest, the morning didn't miraculously get better

the kids are still whining,

my head is still pounding,

my coffee is still barely sipped

BUT

i'm leaning on Him for strength to apologize to my kids when i'm short with them

or better yet, before i hit breaking point i am able to stop and say a little prayer

to ask for His help, His strength, His patience, His love, His kindness

***

on a {mostly} unrelated note,

sitting in bed while i was sick

gave me time to finish sorting through my phone pictures from our most recent day at the beach

this batch is mostly from under the boardwalk

there's just something magical about a space that's not always accessible

and just look at the crazy designs from the water's reflection on the wood planks...so cool!

i love it when the tide's out...and i love sharing these beautiful things with my munchkins (and you!)

struggles + leaning on the everlasting arms

hi friends, 

i've been meaning to put together a blog post for a while now

about the reason i can be a bit distant sometimes

about the things that have been weighing down on my heart

about tears that have silently crept down my face

and long nights spent thinking instead of sleeping

it all sounds very dramatic, but it's mostly just everyday things 

that i have allowed to creep in and steal my joy:

parenting struggles, insecurities, dealing with change, hearing of others' deep and painful loss, stress...

i've struggled to practically trust in the lord lately

(i know it in my head, but sometimes my heart needs are reminder...)

and my heart can seem so ultra-tender at times - it just aches as things add up

then my head steps in and tells my heart to toughen up, 

but all that means is that i wait till i'm behind closed doors to mull over it

and, hopefully, to bring it to Jesus

which is exactly what i finally made a point to do last week

and boy am i glad that i did

what a relief it was to have my burden's lifted

and to be reminded that no matter what happens, good or bad,

He is in control, and i can trust in Him and in His goodness 

even (or rather especially) when my heart is heavy with fear, anxiety and grief

i was also reminded that in those specific times i should cling more than ever to His word

so that, through grace, His power will be made perfect in my weakness, 

so, how do i practically do this?

well, for starters, i follow a great daily Bible reading plan
there are tons of good ones out there - some with more reading, some with less
if this one is too much reading for you on a day-to-day basis,
 i encourage you to find a plan that works for you
there are so many different options out there!
(feel free to get in touch with me if you need some direction in finding one)

i also like to have reminders of God's word tucked here and there:
for example, i often scribble encouraging verses onto scrap paper
and scatter them around the house, to find later
(journals, on my bedside table, my workspace etc ...i even have a couple in my wallet!)
sometimes, i'll write them up all pretty and stick 'em to the fridge or on my to-do list,
since i know i'll be looking at those two places often

another tool i've been using (and loving!) is my 50 Promises flashcards,
which are 50 verses printed in pretty fonts with colorful backgrounds
that i just keep propped up in the kitchen (since that's always been the "hub" of our house)
they're a nice little addition to our "decor"
plus they constantly remind me of truth and encourage my heart
here are a couple that i've "cashed in" lately:

     Matthew 6:30                                                          Philippians 4:19

(oh and there's one in this post too!)

it is such a blessing to renew my mind when life starts to feel overwhelming!

anyway, i hope this post leaves you feeling encouraged

feel free to chime in and share how you work scripture into your everyday life.

signs that my life is in compete chaos

#1

i haven't blogged in over a month

(oops!)

#2

i STILL haven't looked through pictures from the girlies' birthday party

#3

things are getting crossed off my to do list because they're no longer relevant,

not because they're actually getting done

#4

valentines day included dinner out for my best friend's birthday 

followed by attending the home / water birth of my first niece

...all in the span of 3 hours (dinner, labor, delivery and all)!

#5
my on-again, off-again relationship with my espresso machine is very much back ON
she's temperamental and practically vintage,
but she makes a mean americano when she works
plus i got her for $2 at an estate sale...don't judge!

#6

i've done four photography sessions in just about four weeks:

one maternity, one Tiny Footprints,  one (my first!) birth and one newborn

plus i've got another session penciled in pretty soon

(so much for choosing to be very part time during this season of my life...!)

it's all good though - this was just a random busy stint, 

plus i'm thankful to be busy doing something that fires me up!  :)

#7

i can't remember the last time i went to bed before midnight

#8

we almost put in an offer on a house

...aaaand didn't, since we still had a few more numbers to crunch

i was in tears, but knew it was the wise thing to do

and now that we have taken a look at all the numbers, 

i'm super grateful to the Lord for giving me a wise (and number-savvy!) husband
so we're back to the drawing board for now
where the Lord continues to whisper to my fretful heart:  trust in me, I've got a plan

#9

i keep forgetting to eat breakfast,

and when i do finally get around to it, 

i'm finding i prefer to drink it, because it's that much quicker to "eat"

lucky for you, i actually remember what i threw into my most recent shake, 

and I carved out time to share it...you can thank me later!  ;)

a couple notes before i share the recipe:
- it has a really strong almond flavor, so if that's not your thing, you might want to pass on this one
- you don't really taste the banana in the shake, which is a BIG plus in my books since i don't like drinking bananas.  weird, i know.  when i order a smoothie on the go, i always ask for the banana on the side, for reals...talk about getting funny looks!
- the ingredient list looks long, but gathering them is the hardest part so don't let that keep you from trying it!

ingredients:

1/2 - 3/4 cup chilled coffee or espresso shots
1 cup unsweetened vanilla almond milk
1 tsp pure almond extract
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
2 tbsps hemp seeds
1 [heaping] tbsp cocoa powder
1 frozen banana
1-2 tbsp almond butter

dump everything into a blender and blend until smooth
presto, change-o
your mid-morning / afternoon pick me up is ready!

dear baby girls, 

this letter is long overdue, and i mean loooooooooooooong overdue.  i've written it time and time again in my head while drifting off to sleep, smiling over the things you said and did that day; while listening to you and daddy giggle and play; while watching you learn new skills; while stepping into your room and tucking you in long after you've fallen asleep...  there are so many little moments that i want to remember so that i can tell your stories back to you when you're older.  

the last time i wrote you a letter was exactly four months plus one day ago.  you had just turned 18 months old and were starting to say a couple of words - and now, four short months later, your vocabulary has grown so much!  i think you ask "what's that" about a hundred times a day, if not more - that's one of my favorite of your phrases.  you love barnyard animals (and making animal sounds!) and your rocking horses are a big hit.  we talk about birds and where they live, apples and the trees they grow on, bugs and fish and caterpillars too.  

you're so curious and it's amazing to watch your eyes fill with wonder as you learn so much each and every day.  you also love to play dress up.  you put on hats and layers of jackets, vests, dresses, socks - whatever you can get your hands on, really.  there's usually lots of giggling involved...and then you applaud yourselves.  it's really cute.  sometimes, if i'm lucky, you'll even pose for me to take a picture or two.  

another new skill you've been working on is using your very own silverware.  daddy and i went out and bought you a bunch of forks, spoons and even little knives made for toddlers (although you've not tried those yet).  you've really started to get the hang of using them though - such speedy learners!  speaking of learning, you've also gotten pretty good at building forts and climbing stairs - two of your favorite things to practice.  

ooooh, and here's another exciting thing that's happened lately:  your hair is kinda/sorta/almost long enough to put in pigtails and ponytails!!!  you have no idea how excited mama is about this...you, on the other hand, aren't so keen on having bows in your hair.  you love the idea and ask me to put them in over and over again, but it never lasts long.  oh well, it's a process, just like everything else about this parenting / growing up thing.  

on that note, i'm really loving being your mama.  as always, there are days and moments when i'm so frustrated, i want to pull my hair out; but they're outweighed by all the fun we're having along the way, all the moments when i feel like my heart would burst if i found a way to love you any more, all the times you say and do sweet things that turn this mama into a gigantic, cheesy puddle of mush.  

i'm nowhere near the mother i thought i'd be, but that's ok - what matters is that i'm your mother, and some of the best advice i've been given for this journey of motherhood is this:  "you are the best mother for your baby."  i can't place when or where i heard it, but it's comforted me in those moments when i wondered if i was "doing it right" or struggled with those insecurities that so many mothers face.  if you have your own babies one day, i hope you remember these words.  i hope you know that the Lord will never give you more than you can handle.  that He will strengthen and sustain and encourage you through His word, through those He's placed in your life, and yes, even through old letters and strangers' advice.  you just have to focus on those things when you're feeling down.

i love you, girlies.  daddy and i both do...so so so much...all the way to the moon and back, in fact!  but seriously, we pray for you all the time and hope so many good things for you. 

until next time, with much love, 
your mama