Flashback Friday

it's a grey friday morning

i'm leaving for a girls weekend getaway in less than 8 hours

and instead of picking away at my packing

or cleaning my disastrous kitchen 

or heading out to the grocery store to stock up for the hubby,

who, bless his soul, will be wrangling our wild children all on his own while i'm gone

i've decided to take a moment...

...to sip on my americano

...to listen to a random youtube indie-folk playlist

....to look through these pictures from exactly one year ago

because as much as i've loved the seemingly endless summer we've been enjoying

grey days and slow mornings have a nice kind of feel to them too

also, these pictures were taken
exactly where i'm heading this afternoon, 

exactly one year ago today

and i had this conversation with my girlies this morning:

Me: My babies aren't babies anymore...frown emoticon
A: You're silly mama, babies have to grow up!
Me: But my babies were supposed to stay teeny tiny forever.
A: No mama, that's not how babies work.
I: Don't worry mama, we'll always be your babies.

true story.

apparently, my babies have to grow up - it's how babies work, after all

you know, you get a lot of advice when you decide you want to have babies, 

but they never tell you about that struggle in your heart

the one where you want to watch your babies grow up into who they were intended to be,

while simultaneously keeping them as your babies forever and ever

oh wait, they do

but words can't convey what a mama's heart feels

so sometimes you just need to look through old pictures, 

and gush over your babies

then look up and watch them grow up right before your very eyes

and realize how blessed you are to have the past memories and the here-and-now moments

TWO

dear babies / birthday girls,

today you turned two.  where has all the time gone?  how on earth has it only been two years?  i know, i know - those two questions don't make much sense back to back, but it's how i feel...i'm pretty sure it's how every mother feels.  and although i've had two years to wrap my brain around it, i still can't believe i have twins...two beautiful little people, each with her own personality and quirks and likes and dislikes, etc who were once in my womb. unbelievable...truly miraculous.

two is an age i think i'm really going to enjoy with you.  we already have the best conversations ever.  we have inside jokes and make up our own little games.  you help me cook by measuring ingredients and stirring.  you invite me to impromptu tea/dance parties.  we make huge messes then we pick them up...sometimes.  we practice new words and phrases all the time.  (case in point:  you learned how to say "happy birthday" yesterday just so you could repeat the words to teta ["grandma" in arabic] when she got home from work.  there's so much learning going on, in a super fun way, of course.

you love animals, but especially horses, birds and dogs.  we "bird watch" from the window every morning and talk about how each bird walks across the lawn, what kinds of things he might be eating and where he's flying off to next.  you also love pretending to cook and then eating and sharing all your yummy creations.  speaking of cooking and yummy creations, your favorite foods right now are apples, cheese sandwiches, rice, eggs, pizza, green smoothies and avocados - you really are a blend of daddy and me.  oh, and let's not forget your love of jewelry, purses and shoes.  i always say you're two-going-on-twenty, it's true.  you're funny and confident and have the most infectious smiles.  please don't ever change, baby girls.

but more than all of those things put together, you love spending time with daddy.  (i don't blame you, he's a loveable guy  ;) )  you three could come up with crazy games and chase each other around all day long.  you could also snuggle all day long.  and i melt into a puddle every.single.time you do it.  i melt when it hits me that you three, my three favorite people in the whole wide world are mine.  

girlies, when they told me i was having twins, when i first laid eyes on four little feet kicking around on that ultrasound screen, i literally pinched myself.  and i continue to pinch myself every day - how did i end up so blessed?  we really are blessed to have each other.  and it's not a coincidence.  God planned it that way.  because we all need each other, in order to become who He has intended for us to be and do good works that He has prepared in advance for us to do, all for His glory.  how cool is that?  

anyway, i know i asked you not to change earlier, but don't lose sleep over it - i know you will, you do it every single day.  and that's ok.  i'll just focus on savoring each moment we get together.  girlies, your first two years were full of so much awesomeness, and i'm looking forward to what the coming year holds for you.  daddy and i love you so very much and pray for you all the time.  happy birthday, baby girls.  

love, 
your mama  

p.s. we had an awesome day together today.  you picked fried eggs and cheerios with craisins for breakfast then we got all gussied up to go for a walk (i was so happy the weather held out, it's rained every day for the past week or so, but today was nice and dry and you were thrilled to be outside for some of it).  next came naptime and after that we visited with friends and family for a while.  just before daddy came home from work, we ran out to the back yard to catch the last few rays of sunshine, play, and snap a few pictures of my two big girls.  when daddy got home, we skyped with grandma and grandpa then did dinner and measured each of your heights (on the big rulers daddy made for you) before beginning our bedtime routine.  it was great to celebrate you in the little things today...and you're going to flip when you see all the fun things we've got planned for your birthday party on saturday - bananas in pyjamas themed, because you wouldn't have it any other way!  :)  i can hardly wait.  

dear baby girls, 

this letter is long overdue, and i mean loooooooooooooong overdue.  i've written it time and time again in my head while drifting off to sleep, smiling over the things you said and did that day; while listening to you and daddy giggle and play; while watching you learn new skills; while stepping into your room and tucking you in long after you've fallen asleep...  there are so many little moments that i want to remember so that i can tell your stories back to you when you're older.  

the last time i wrote you a letter was exactly four months plus one day ago.  you had just turned 18 months old and were starting to say a couple of words - and now, four short months later, your vocabulary has grown so much!  i think you ask "what's that" about a hundred times a day, if not more - that's one of my favorite of your phrases.  you love barnyard animals (and making animal sounds!) and your rocking horses are a big hit.  we talk about birds and where they live, apples and the trees they grow on, bugs and fish and caterpillars too.  

you're so curious and it's amazing to watch your eyes fill with wonder as you learn so much each and every day.  you also love to play dress up.  you put on hats and layers of jackets, vests, dresses, socks - whatever you can get your hands on, really.  there's usually lots of giggling involved...and then you applaud yourselves.  it's really cute.  sometimes, if i'm lucky, you'll even pose for me to take a picture or two.  

another new skill you've been working on is using your very own silverware.  daddy and i went out and bought you a bunch of forks, spoons and even little knives made for toddlers (although you've not tried those yet).  you've really started to get the hang of using them though - such speedy learners!  speaking of learning, you've also gotten pretty good at building forts and climbing stairs - two of your favorite things to practice.  

ooooh, and here's another exciting thing that's happened lately:  your hair is kinda/sorta/almost long enough to put in pigtails and ponytails!!!  you have no idea how excited mama is about this...you, on the other hand, aren't so keen on having bows in your hair.  you love the idea and ask me to put them in over and over again, but it never lasts long.  oh well, it's a process, just like everything else about this parenting / growing up thing.  

on that note, i'm really loving being your mama.  as always, there are days and moments when i'm so frustrated, i want to pull my hair out; but they're outweighed by all the fun we're having along the way, all the moments when i feel like my heart would burst if i found a way to love you any more, all the times you say and do sweet things that turn this mama into a gigantic, cheesy puddle of mush.  

i'm nowhere near the mother i thought i'd be, but that's ok - what matters is that i'm your mother, and some of the best advice i've been given for this journey of motherhood is this:  "you are the best mother for your baby."  i can't place when or where i heard it, but it's comforted me in those moments when i wondered if i was "doing it right" or struggled with those insecurities that so many mothers face.  if you have your own babies one day, i hope you remember these words.  i hope you know that the Lord will never give you more than you can handle.  that He will strengthen and sustain and encourage you through His word, through those He's placed in your life, and yes, even through old letters and strangers' advice.  you just have to focus on those things when you're feeling down.

i love you, girlies.  daddy and i both do...so so so much...all the way to the moon and back, in fact!  but seriously, we pray for you all the time and hope so many good things for you. 

until next time, with much love, 
your mama

celebrating eighteen

dear baby girls, 

where do i start?  eighteen months have come and gone since the day we met - eighteen!  it's amazing what can change over that amount of time.  if someone told me then what my life would look like now...i flat out wouldn't have believed them.  but here we are, here you are - growing and learning and changing by the second!  

you actually turned eighteen months old a couple of days ago - the same day, ironically, that a huge gallery wrapped canvas print from your newborn pictures was delivered.  i was a bit embarrassed by how long it took me to finally pick and print one of them for our walls, but better late than never, right?  daddy and i are thrilled with how it turned out - it's beautiful and reminds me of how sweet and small and newborn-y you were!  the funny thing is, the print is so big, that you're actually bigger in the picture than you were in real life for the photo shoot.  it's perfect. 

you know what else was delivered this week?  your big-girl car seats!  daddy put so much effort into researching and finding these seats - i hope you like them as much as we do.  he got home from work and right aways began to unpack them as you looked on.  you seemed pretty excited about it - maybe it's a sign.  :)  you're supposed to sit in them until you're 120 pounds or 14 years old, whichever comes first.  with your luck, girlies, you're probably looking at the latter - sorry, we'll try to keep it a secret from your friends...

at least you guys have a great sense of humor, so that should help you cope with being in car seats forever and a day.  you are full of energy and joy - it just beams from the silly little faces that you make all day.  you're loud and crazy and so much fun.  you crack each other up on a daily basis - i love watching you enjoy each other so much:  playing peek-a-boo + sharing stories in your own little language + playing mini games that you've made up = too much cuteness to handle.

you also love music - listening to playlists on my old iPod, singing along with bananas in pyjamas, plunking on the piano keys...doesn't matter what form it comes in; if it's musical, it makes you happy.  i can't blame you; i love watching you enjoy music so much, and singing along to lullabies as we enjoy family time before bed is something i look forward to all day.  along with all the music that fills our days, you've literally taught me to dance like no one's watching...until we all burst into giggles, that is.  i've gotten so used to our little dance parties, i even caught myself dancing in a grocery store aisle all by myself the other day!  people must have thought i was crazy, but i just smiled and thought of you.    

another new thing you've been doing is building your vocabulary - you're up to at least five distinct words, plus you shake your head for "no" (not gonna lie, i'm not a HUGE fan of that last new development...but at least it's cute when you do it!).  it's great to be able to communicate beyond the few signs we use, and i'm actually surprised at how soon it started, since i was told that twins tend to have delayed speech.  then again, i've also been told that every baby is different and so i don't like to compare you to others - you are who you are supposed to be and will develop however you are supposed to develop.  it's all in the Lord's hands, and that's always a good thing.   

well girlies, this letter was full of highlights that we've been sharing recently, but i have to be honest - you're a lot of work, and there are rough days.  that being said, i am getting the hang of it, which translates into enjoying our time together more with each day that passes.  you keep me on my toes and remind me just how ugly my sin is and how much i need to lean on the Lord.  

i pray that just as you continue to grow that my dependence on Him would also grow.  i pray that i would rejoice as i discover more areas of weakness in my abilities, rather than become frustrated with my inability to "pull it together" because they are opportunities to trust Him and grow in my relationship with Him.  I pray that my life would speak for itself when it comes to teaching you these things, that He would work in your hearts even at the tender age of eighteen months.  and that you would grow up to be women deeply rooted in Him, despite the mistakes that i am undoubtedly making along the way.

daddy and i love you so so so much, girlies - thank you for lighting up our lives the way you do.  

love you to the moon and back, 
your mama  

15 on the 15th

these two littles are 15 months old today!

it's hard to believe how much can change over that amount of time

how they grow

how they learn

how they develop their own little personalities

how our lives have been changed

and how we don't even remember what it was like without them

we celebrated with bubbles,

(which you will notice, they both love)

if you ever find yourself wondering "what is a cheap, easy and fun activity for my 15 month old?"

the answer is bubbles

if pictures could play sound

you would hear squeals of delight and uncontrollable laughter

as you scroll through the next few!

on growth, motherhood and grace

dear baby girls, 

it feels like it's been a while since i last wrote you a letter.  life has been busy and you continue to grow and change so much as the days go by.  last week, you turned 14 months old - it feels like only yesterday when you were 14 days old and i sat here, writing you a letter, dreaming about the future... 

lately, i've had a lot of moments where all of a sudden it hits me that i don't have babies anymore - i've watched you taking first steps, eating meals all by yourselves, having your own conversations in the back of the van, playing together instead of just beside each other, giggling back and forth, playing dress-up, getting a bazillion teeth (well, maybe not a bazillion - but we're up to 12 each now, including some molars!) - I am amazed every day at how intricately the Lord created you and how you continue to grow and learn and change.  

you're learning so much as you get older - i love how daring you are when you explore new things.  you're super curious (sometimes a little too curious for my liking, but still...) and you don't think twice about what might happen as a result of your wanting to discover more about the world around you - let me tell you, as your mother, it is scary to watch you jump and not worry (or even think) about falling, but it's also inspiring to see you chase adventure without letting fear hold you back.  i know it has more to do with the fact that you don't yet understand the danger around you, but it certainly challenges me to evaluate the fears that i have allowed to keep me from moving forward in life and the areas that i need to trust in the Lord's hands.  

that's the crazy thing about motherhood - i went into it expecting to spend lots of time teaching and taking care of you, not realizing that all the while you would teach me about myself, my faith, my relationships - everything, really.  all of a sudden, i'm paying attention to what kind of example i'm setting and realizing how my life experience has shaped me:  what is good and worth passing on as well as what needs to change before my little sponges observe and emulate my behavior.  

it's not always easy, but i know it's for our good.  i love you girls so much and am looking forward to whatever the Lord has in store for our family as we continue to grow and change together.  in the meantime, i'm going to enjoy being silly with you, singing and dancing to your favorite worship music as part of our morning routine, watching your eyes light up with wonder and delight as you experience new things every day and slipping into your room at night long after you've dozed off just to get one more glance at my beautiful babies all curled up.  you are a blessing from above, girlies - and i pray that the Lord would grant us grace and wisdom to raise you in a way that honors Him.

love you to the moon and back, girly-qs!

love, 
your mom

babies on strike!

our babies have decided to go on a spoon strike

they want to be independent and feed themselves,

but can't quite use utensils on their own yet

so finger foods it is!

except, we've had a heck of a time finding finger foods for them

(try saying that last part ten times fast!)

i mean, there are some finger foods that are tried and true

(cheerios and cheese are current favorites of theirs) 

but they're not exactly what i'd call a balanced diet on their own

the other hiccup is that the pediatrician wants us to up their protein and calories

but our girlies are not terribly interested in meat...or anything, really, outside of fruits and veggies

so we've been brainstorming

and trying all kinds of foods

we've had some progress, 

but mostly we end up with scrunched up faces, 

the dreaded "lock jaw" 

and more food on the floor, in their seats and in their hair

than in their mouths and tummies 

but last night we had a big breakthrough!

i had some roasted acorn squash and yogurt that the girls were refusing to eat

(no surprise there - too much spoon involvement!)

plus some ground turkey that also made the reject list 

i wanted to put all the random odds and ends to use

rather than just chuck them or eat them myself

and that's when it hit me: 

baby "mac n cheese" with turkey bits

1/2 an acorn squash (baked and cooled)

1/2 - 1 cup(ish) full fat plain yogurt

pasta (preferably whole wheat; cooked within an inch of its life)

1 cup (ish) cooked ground turkey 

(I cooked mine in some olive oil with some chopped up onion for flavor)

romano + parmesan cheese blend (we get ours from TJs)

- scoop cooked squash out of it's skin

- blend / mix it with the yogurt to make the "sauce" part, then set aside

- cut pasta into bite sized pieces (we had some fusilli with our supper so i just chopped up some of that)

- mix pasta and turkey with enough of the sauce so everything's just coated nicely(you don't want too much on - it gets super messy)

- sprinkle cheese on, to taste

- serve directly on baby trays

made enough for two decent sized bowls - we had enough for both dinner and lunch the next day.

the one caveat is that it makes a bit of a mess, 

but they loved it PLUS it was protein-rich and relatively balanced *double bonus*

who needs utensils anyway, right? 

p.s. any of you moms out there with finger food ideas, feel free to pipe up and share your ideas, successes, stories, etc! 

p.p.s. i was just thinking, you could totally serve this up as a healthier mac n cheese to adults too...just skip the pasta chopping (and just cook it to al dente) and use nonfat greek yogurt instead

comfy cozy

came across this snapshot from back in march

i adore my snuggle bugs!

unpublished

today my littles are ten months old ....will it ever stop taking me by surprise how fast the time flies by?!?  i started this letter to them two weeks ago, and never published it...better late than never, right?  

Dear baby girls,

You are now nine and a half months old!  I know, it's kind of a weird "milestone," but you're growing and developing new skills so fast, it's hard to keep up.  You can sit up really well now, so daddy and I went out last weekend and bought new "sit-up" toys to keep you busy from your new perspective.  You seem to really like them - as soon as I sit you down in your playpen, the squeals and giggles begin.  Although, they're also forcing you to learn to share...which I know will be a good thing in the long run, but right now it means random shrieks and a few extra tears here and there.

Speaking of your playpen - boy, has that thing been a lifesaver!  I love having a space where I know you can play safely while I catch a bite to eat or quickly get something done.  You tend to want me to sit in there with you towards the end of the day, though, which can sometimes get in the way of dinner-making, but some days I can't help but cave.  We play with your toys or read together or practice sitting down and standing up (you LOVE that game!).  And when daddy gets home from work, he usually jumps right in there and you climb all over him - once, we even had our dinner sitting in there while you played happily beside us.  I guess you just like knowing we're near sometimes - must get that from  your mama.  

Another big step we've taken is putting in you separate cribs...I'm not sure if I'm ready, but it's probably better for you at this point (even though my heart is dragging it's feet about it  - how did you get so big, so fast?).  At least I'm the only one upset here - you're pretty cute about it and peek over at each other from your suddenly-much-bigger cribs.  I took a picture of your first time sleeping separately on daddy's iPad - it is such a blessing it is to be able to grab quick snapshots of your life, even when I don't have time to grab the fancy camera.  Ives, you were definitely ready for your own space and Aria, I'm sure you'll get better sleep out of it - in the mean time, you can cuddle with your pillow instead of your sis.  (please don't send me hate mail / mean comments about that - she loves it because it smells like daddy, and she knows how to turn away from it ...I promise you, I would never do anything to endanger my little ones!!!)  

Girlies, I'm just now starting to look through some pictures we took during your delivery and in those first days with you and I can't believe how far we've come.  Let's be honest, some days are really tough and draining, but the Lord has been so good and I'm learning to look to Him when I fail or when feel like I just can't be the mother you need me to be and He pulls through every time.  Life with you two speaks volumes about His faithfulness; never before have I been able to apply scripture so practically to my life (and watch it's transforming work), and for that, I am SO thankful!

At any rate, I'm so glad to have so many memories captured in those pictures - they really do tell a thousand words; I don't think I realized how valuable they would be to me, and it's not even been a year since they were taken...it'll be so fun to show them to you and tell you stories about yourselves when you're older!  I'm beaming just thinking about it.

Anyway, I need to get going - never enough time to get everything done, but such is this season of life and that's just fine.  I love to the moon and back, girlie cues!

love, 

your mom

it's January 29th...

happy due date, girlies!

i can't believe you're exactly TWO weeks old already

life has changed so much in that time; it's hard to remember what it was like before

your dad and i have learned more than we ever thought was possible in such a short spurt

and we've loved getting to know you as we learn to be a family

words cannot express how much we love you little bugs

right now life is a blur of feeding cycles and long nights
we're trying to enjoy the season, knowing that it won't last long
so here's to getting in as many newborn snuggles and late night cuddles as we can squeeze in
despite that moment at 3am when you won't eat, we can't sleep and we wonder if it'll ever get better

before we know it, though, there'll be skinned knees, first loves and everything in between
there's so much to look forward to and enjoy at each stage

right now, group naps on the couch are a favorite
you two are the biggest cuddle bugs and daddy is a human heater - makes for a great combination!

{untitled}

...because it is impossible to decide on a title for a post announcing to the world the arrival of our baby girls!

yep,  on January 15th, in the wee hours, we were blessed with

Ivy Naima Townson

5lb 8oz

born at 12:52 am

&

Aria Grace Townson

4lb 11oz

 born at 12:56 am

delivery and recovery went / are going surprisingly well...the real challenge has been feeding such tiny bugs.  the problem is that they're so small that they lack the energy to eat, but without food it's kind of hard to muster up more energy. 

we've been trying different things to help them out and its made for a bit of stress, very litttle sleep, lots of tears, some success and some failure.  the doctors / nurses / midwives have been a great support and source of information and i think things are finally starting to look up.  you can certainly keep us in your prayers on that front. 

all that being said, i've decided to go on a bit of a blog vacation to focus on growing and getting to know these little muffins.  there may be a random post here and there and i don't know how long it will be before i'm back full force, but for now, the girlies are my priority. 

*note:  many of you have sent me notes, facebook messages, texts etc and I just haven't had much time to get on the computer (hence this announcement being 5 days after their birthday).  i'm still working through many of them and i realistically don't have time to respond to all of them, but i wanted to thank you for all your kind thoughts and notes! 

the finish line...

...was just about two weeks ago - at 36 weeks, which is full term for twins.

it seems these little ones have something else in mind, because I've taken a 36 week and a 37 week photo - can't say I thought we'd get this far!  in fact, all the docs / midwives / specialists / nurses are shocked that they're still in there.  (or maybe that's just what they tell me to make me feel better - haha)

anyway, here are the progress photos mentioned above in their respective order - sorry they're not "labelled" the way they normally are...I normally do that in photoshop but it pooped out on me so this will have to do.

 

prayers for patience and thankfulness as we submit every minute that we wait on their arrival to His plan rather than ours would be much appreciated - we know the Lord's timing is best, but that's sometimes hard to keep in perspective when waiting to pop ("at any minute")!  ;)

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body.  And be thankful.  -Colossians 3:15

so even in this, we are being refined and sanctified.  we know that he uses ALL things for our good and His glory - there is certainly encouragement and joy in that - thank you, Jesus!